Surah An-Nisa 4:34

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ

(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women,) meaning, the man is responsible for the woman, and he is her maintainer, caretaker and leader who disciplines her if she deviates.

بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ

(because Allah has made one of them to excel the other,) meaning, because men excel over women and are better than them for certain tasks. This is why prophethood was exclusive of men, as well as other important positions of leadership. The Prophet said,

«لَنْ يُفْلِحَ قَوْمٌ وَلَّوْا أَمْرَهُمُ امْرَأَة»

(People who appoint a woman to be their leader, will never achieve success.) Al-Bukhari recorded this Hadith. Such is the case with appointing women as judges or on other positions of leadership.

وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَلِهِمْ

(and because they spend from their means.) meaning the dowry, expenditures and various expenses that Allah ordained in His Book and the Sunnah of His Messenger for men to spend on women. For these reasons it is suitable that he is appointed her maintainer, just as Allah said,

وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ

(But men have a degree (of responsibility) over them).

Qualities of the Righteous Wife

Allah said,

فَالصَّـلِحَـتُ

(Therefore, the righteous) women,

قَـنِتَـتٍ

(are Qanitat), obedient to their husbands, as Ibn `Abbas and others stated.

حَـفِظَـتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ

(and guard in the husband's absence) As-Suddi and others said that it means she protects her honor and her husband's property when he is absent, and Allah's statement,

بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ

(what Allah orders them to guard.) means, the protected husband is the one whom Allah protects. Ibn Jarir recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

«خَيْرُ النِّسَاءِ امْرَأَةٌ إِذَا نَظَرْتَ إِلَيْهَا سَرَّتْكَ، وَإِذَا أَمَرْتَهَا أَطَاعَتْكَ، وَإِذَا غِبْتَ عَنْهَا حَفِظَتْكَ فِي نَفْسِهَا وَمَالِك»

(The best women is she who when you look at her, she pleases you, when you command her she obeys you, and when you are absent, she protects her honor and your property.) Then, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ recited the Ayah,

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ

(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, ) until its end. Imam Ahmad recorded that `Abdur-Rahman bin 'Awf said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

«إِذَا صَلَّتِ الْمَرْأَةُ خَمْسَهَا، وَصَامَتْ شَهْرَهَا، وَحَفِظَتْ فَرْجَهَا، وَأَطَاعَتْ زَوْجَهَا، قِيلَ لَهَا: ادْخُلِي الْجَنَّةَ مِنْ أَيِّ الْأَبْوَابِ شِئْت»

(If the woman prayed her five daily prayers, fasted her month, protected her chastity and obeyed her husband, she will be told, 'Enter Paradise from any of its doors you wish.')

Dealing with the Wife's Ill-Conduct

Allah said,

وَاللَّـتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ

(As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct,) meaning, the woman from whom you see ill conduct with her husband, such as when she acts as if she is above her husband, disobeys him, ignores him, dislikes him, and so forth. When these signs appear in a woman, her husband should advise her and remind her of Allah's torment if she disobeys him. Indeed, Allah ordered the wife to obey her husband and prohibited her from disobeying him, because of the enormity of his rights and all that he does for her. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

«لَوْ كُنْتُ آمِرًا أَحَدًا أَنْ يَسْجُدَ لِأَحَدٍ، لَأَمَرْتُ الْمَرْأَةَ أَنْ تَسْجُدَ لِزَوْجِهَا، مِنْ عِظَمِ حَقِّهِ عَلَيْهَا»

(If I were to command anyone to prostrate before anyone, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband, because of the enormity of his right upon her.) Al-Bukhari recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

«إِذَا دَعَا الرَّجُلُ امْرَأَتَهُ إِلى فِرَاشِهِ فَأَبَتْ عَلَيْهِ، لَعَنَتْهَا الْمَلَائِكَةُ حَتَّى تُصْبِح»

(If the man asks his wife to come to his bed and she declines, the angels will keep cursing her until the morning.) Muslim recorded it with the wording,

«إِذَا بَاتَتِ الْمَرْأَةُ هَاجِرَةً فِرَاشَ زَوْجِهَا، لَعَنَتْهَا الْمَلَائِكَةُ حَتَّى تُصْبِح»

(If the wife goes to sleep while ignoring her husband's bed, the angels will keep cursing her until the morning.) This is why Allah said,

وَاللَّـتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ

(As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them (first)). Allah's statement,

وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى الْمَضَاجِعِ

(abandon them in their beds,) `Ali bin Abi Talhah reported that Ibn `Abbas said "The abandonment refers to not having intercourse with her, to lie on her bed with his back to her." Several others said similarly. As-Suddi, Ad-Dahhak, `Ikrimah, and Ibn `Abbas, in another narration, added, "Not to speak with her or talk to her." The Sunan and Musnad compilers recorded that Mu`awiyah bin Haydah Al-Qushayri said, "O Allah's Messenger! What is the right that the wife of one of us has on him" The Prophet said,

«أَنْ تُطْعِمَهَا إِذَا طَعِمْتَ، وَتَكْسُوَهَا إِذَا اكْتَسَيْتَ، وَلَا تَضْرِبِ الْوَجْهَ، وَلَا تُقَبِّحْ، وَلَا تَهْجُرْ إِلَّا فِي الْبَيْت»

(To feed her when you eat, cloth her when you buy clothes for yourself, refrain from striking her face or cursing her, and to not abandon her, except in the house.) Allah's statement,

وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ

(beat them) means, if advice and ignoring her in the bed do not produce the desired results, you are allowed to discipline the wife, without severe beating. Muslim recorded that Jabir said that during the Farewell Hajj, the Prophet said;

«وَاتَّقُوا اللهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ، فَإِنَّهُنَّ عِنْدَكُمْ عَوَانٍ، وَلَكُمْ عَلَيْهِنَّ أَنْ لَا يُوطِئْنَ فُرُشَكُمْ أَحَدًا تَكْرَهُونَهُ،فَإِنْ فَعَلْنَ ذَلِكَ فَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ضَرْبًا غَيْرَ مُبَرِحٍ، وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوف»

(Fear Allah regarding women, for they are your assistants. You have the right on them that they do not allow any person whom you dislike to step on your mat. However, if they do that, you are allowed to discipline them lightly. They have a right on you that you provide them with their provision and clothes, in a reasonable manner.) Ibn `Abbas and several others said that the Ayah refers to a beating that is not violent. Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that it means, a beating that is not severe.

When the Wife Obeys Her Husband, Means of Annoyance Against Her are Prohibited

Allah said,

فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلاَ تَبْغُواْ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً

(but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance),) meaning, when the wife obeys her husband in all that Allah has allowed, then no means of annoyance from the husband are allowed against his wife. Therefore, in this case, the husband does not have the right to beat her or shun her bed. Allah's statement,

إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّاً كَبِيراً

(Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.) reminds men that if they transgress against their wives without justification, then Allah, the Ever Most High, Most Great, is their Protector, and He will exert revenge on those who transgress against their wives and deal with them unjustly.

Kaum laki-laki adalah pemimpin, pemelihara, pembela dan pemberi nafkah, bertanggung jawab penuh terhadap kaum perempuan yang menjadi istri dan yang menjadi keluarganya. Oleh karena itu, wajib bagi setiap istri menaati suaminya selama suami tidak durhaka kepada Allah. Apabila suami tidak memenuhi kewajiban dan tanggung jawabnya, maka istri berhak mengadukannya kepada hakim yang berwenang menyelesaikan masalahnya.

Menurut riwayat Hasan al-Bashri:

"Seorang perempuan mengadu kepada Rasulullah saw, bahwa suaminya telah memukulnya. Rasulullah saw bersabda, "Ia akan dikenakan hukum kisas. Maka Allah menurunkan ayat Ar-Rijalu qawwamuna 'ala an-nisa¦" (Riwayat al-hasan al-Bashri dari Muqatil).

Diriwayatkan pula bahwa perempuan itu kembali ke rumahnya dan suaminya tidak mendapat hukuman kisas sebagai balasan terhadap tindakannya, karena ayat ini membolehkan memukul istri yang tidak taat kepada suaminya, dengan tujuan mendidik dan mengingatkannya.

Yang dimaksud dengan istri yang saleh dalam ayat ini ialah istri yang disifatkan dalam sabda Rasulullah saw:

"Sebaik-baik perempuan ialah perempuan yang apabila engkau melihatnya ia menyenangkan hatimu, dan apabila engkau menyuruhnya ia mengikuti perintahmu, dan apabila engkau tidak berada di sampingnya ia memelihara hartamu dan menjaga dirinya." (Riwayat Ibnu Jarir dan al-Baihaqi dari Abu Hurairah).

Inilah yang dinamakan istri yang saleh, sedang yang selalu membangkang, yaitu meninggalkan kewajiban selaku istri, seperti meninggalkan rumah tanpa izin suami untuk hal-hal yang tidak penting, dinamakan istri yang nusyuz (yang tidak taat).

Bagaimana seharusnya suami berlaku terhadap istri yang tidak taat kepadanya (nusyuz), yaitu menasihatinya dengan baik. Kalau nasihat itu tidak berhasil, maka suami mencoba berpisah tempat tidur dengan istrinya, dan kalau tidak berubah juga, barulah memukulnya dengan pukulan yang enteng yang tidak mengenai muka dan tidak meninggalkan bekas.

Setelah itu para suami diberi peringatan, bila istri sudah kembali taat kepadanya, jangan lagi si suami mencari-cari jalan untuk menyusahkan istrinya, seperti membongkar-bongkar kesalahan-kesalahan yang sudah lalu, tetapi bukalah lembaran hidup baru yang mesra dan melupakan hal-hal yang sudah lalu. Bertindaklah dengan baik dan bijaksana. karena Allah Maha Mengetahui dan Mahabesar.