Surah An-Nisa 4:129

The Ruling Concerning Desertion on the Part of the Husband

Allah states, and thus legislates accordingly, that sometimes, the man inclines away from his wife, sometimes towards her and sometimes he parts with her. In the first case, when the wife fears that her husband is steering away from her or deserting her, she is allowed to forfeit all or part of her rights, such as provisions, clothing, dwelling, and so forth, and the husband is allowed to accept such concessions from her. Hence, there is no harm if she offers such concessions, and if her husband accepts them. This is why Allah said,

فَلاَ جُنَاْحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحاً

(there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves;) He then said,

وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ

(and making peace is better) than divorce. Allah's statement,

وَأُحْضِرَتِ الأنفُسُ الشُّحَّ

(And human souls are swayed by greed.) means, coming to peaceful terms, even when it involves forfeiting some rights, is better than parting. Abu Dawud At-Tayalisi recorded that Ibn `Abbas said, "Sawdah feared that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ might divorce her and she said, `O Messenger of Allah! Do not divorce me; give my day to `A'ishah.' And he did, and later on Allah sent down,

وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَـفَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزاً أَوْ إِعْرَاضاً فَلاَ جُنَاْحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ

(And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no sin on them both) Ibn `Abbas said, "Whatever (legal agreement) the spouses mutually agree to is allowed.". At-Tirmidhi recorded it and said, "Hasan Gharib". In the Two Sahihs, it is recorded that `A'ishah said that when Sawdah bint Zam`ah became old, she forfeited her day to `A'ishah, and the Prophet used to spend Sawdah's night with `A'ishah. There is a similar narration also collected by Al-Bukhari. Al-Bukhari also recorded that `A'ishah commented;

وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَـفَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزاً أَوْ إِعْرَاضاً

(And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part), that it refers to, "A man who is married to an old woman, and he does not desire her and wants to divorce her. So she says, `I forfeit my right on you.' So this Ayah was revealed."

Meaning of "Making Peace is Better

Allah said,

وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ

(And making peace is better). `Ali bin Abi Talhah related that Ibn `Abbas said that the Ayah refers to, "When the husband gives his wife the choice between staying with him or leaving him, as this is better than the husband preferring other wives to her." However, the apparent wording of the Ayah refers to the settlement where the wife forfeits some of the rights she has over her husband, with the husband agreeing to this concession, and that this settlement is better than divorce. For instance, the Prophet kept Sawdah bint Zam`ah as his wife after she offered to forfeit her day for `A'ishah. By keeping her among his wives, his Ummah may follow this kind of settlement. Since settlement and peace are better with Allah than parting, Allah said,

وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ

(and making peace is better). Divorce is not preferred with Allah. The meaning of Allah's statement,

وَإِن تُحْسِنُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيراً

(But if you do good and have Taqwa, verily, Allah is Ever Well-Acquainted with what you do) if you are patient with the wife you dislike and treat her as other wives are treated, then Allah knows what you do and will reward you for it perfectly. Allah's statement,

وَلَن تَسْتَطِيعُواْ أَن تَعْدِلُواْ بَيْنَ النِّسَآءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ

(You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire,) means, O people! You will never be able to be perfectly just between wives in every respect. Even when one divides the nights justly between wives, there will still be various degrees concerning love, desire and sexual intimacy, as Ibn `Abbas, `Ubaydah As-Salmani, Mujahid, Al-Hasan Al-Basri and Ad-Dahhak bin Muzahim stated. Imam Ahmad and the collectors of the Sunan recorded that `A'ishah said, "The Messenger of Allah ﷺ used to treat his wives equally and proclaim,

«اللَّهُمَّ هَذَا قَسْمِي فِيمَا أَمْلِكُ، فَلَا تَلُمْنِي فِيمَا تَمْلِكُ وَلَا أَمْلِك»

(O Allah! This is my division in what I own, so do not blame me for what You own and I do not own) referring to his heart. This was the wording that Abu Dawud collected, and its chain of narrators is Sahih. Allah's statement,

فَلاَ تَمِيلُواْ كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ

(so do not incline too much to one of them) means, when you like one of your wives more than others, do not exaggerate in treating her that way,

فَتَذَرُوهَا كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ

(so as to leave the other hanging. ) referring to the other wives. Ibn `Abbas, Mujahid, Sa`id bin Jubayr, Al-Hasan, Ad-Dahhak, Ar-Rabi` bin Anas, As-Suddi and Muqatil bin Hayyan said that Mu`allaqah hanging means, "She is neither divorced nor married." Abu Dawud At-Tayalisi recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said,

«مَنْ كَانَتْ لَهُ امْرَأَتَانِ فَمَالَ إِلى إِحْدَاهُمَا، جَاءَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَأَحَدُ شِقَّيْهِ سَاقِط»

(Whoever has two wives and inclines to one of them (too much), will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides dragging.) Allah's statement,

وَإِن تُصْلِحُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُوراً رَّحِيماً

(And if you do justice, and do all that is right and have Taqwa, then Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.) The Ayah states: If you do justice and divide equally in what you have power over, while fearing Allah in all conditions, then Allah will forgive you the favoritism that you showed to some of your wives. Allah then said,

وَإِن يَتَفَرَّقَا يُغْنِ اللَّهُ كُلاًّ مِّن سَعَتِهِ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ وَسِعاً حَكِيماً

(But if they separate (divorce), Allah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His bounty. And Allah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Wise. ) This is the third case between husband and wife, in which divorce occurs. Allah states that if the spouses separate by divorce, then Allah will suffice them by giving him a better wife and her a better husband. The meaning of,

وَكَانَ اللَّهُ وَسِعاً حَكِيماً

(And Allah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Wise.) is: His favor is tremendous, His bounty is enormous and He is All-Wise in all His actions, decisions and commandments.

Aisyah r.a. berkata:

Adalah Rasulullah saw membagi giliran antara istri-istrinya, ia berlaku adil, dan berdoa, 'Ya Allah, inilah penggiliranku sesuai dengan kemampuaku, maka janganlah Engkau mencelaku terhadap apa yang Engkau kuasai, tetapi aku tidak menguasai. (Riwayat Ahmad dan penyusun Kitab-kitab Sunan).

Berdasarkan sebab turun ayat ini, maka yang dimaksud dengan berlaku adil dalam ayat ini ialah berlaku adil dalam hal membagi waktu untuk masing-masing istrinya, Rasulullah saw telah berusaha sekuat tenaga agar beliau dapat berlaku adil di antara mereka. Maka ditetapkanlah giliran hari, pemberian nafkah dan perlakuan yang sama di antara istri-istrinya. Sekalipun demikian, beliau merasa bahwa beliau tidak dapat membagi waktu dan kecintaannya dengan adil di antara istri-istrinya. Beliau lebih mencintai 'Aisyah r.a. daripada istri-istrinya yang lain. Tetapi 'Aisyah memang punya kelebihan dari istri-istri Nabi yang lain, antara lain ialah kecerdasannya, sehingga ia dipercayai oleh Nabi untuk mengajarkan hukum agama kepada kaum perempuan. Hal ini dilakukan sampai Rasulullah wafat dan banyak sahabat, terutama kalangan perempuan sering bertanya kepada 'Aisyah mengenai hukum atau hadis. Sungguhpun begitu, beliau merasa berdosa dan mohon ampun kepada Allah Yang Maha Pengampun. Dengan turunnya ayat ini hati Rasulullah saw menjadi tenteram, karena tidak dibebani dengan kewajiban yang tidak sanggup beliau mengerjakannya.

Dari keterangan di atas dipahami bahwa manusia tidak dapat menguasai hatinya sendiri, hanyalah Allah yang menguasainya. Karena itu sekalipun manusia telah bertekad akan berlaku adil terhadap istri-istrinya, namun ia tidak dapat membagi waktu dan cintanya antara istri-istrinya secara adil. Keadilan yang dituntut dari seorang suami terhadap istri-istrinya ialah keadilan yang dapat dilakukannya, seperti adil dalam menetapkan hari dan giliran antara istri-istrinya, adil dalam memberi nafkah, adil dalam bergaul dan sebagainya.

Allah memperingatkan, kepada para suami karena tidak dapat membagi cintanya di antara istri-istrinya dengan adil, janganlah terlalu cenderung kepada salah seorang istri, sehingga istri yang lain hidup terkatung-katung, hidup merana, hidup dalam keadaan antara terikat dalam perkawinan dengan tidak terikat lagi, dan sebagainya.

Jika para suami selalu berusaha mendamaikan dan menenteramkan para istri dan memelihara hak-hak istrinya, Allah mengampuni dan memaafkan dosanya yang disebabkan oleh terlalu cenderung hatinya kepada salah seorang istrinya, Allah Maha Pengasih kepada hamba-Nya. Ayat ini merupakan pelajaran bagi orang yang melakukan perkawinan semata-mata untuk melampiaskan hawa nafsunya saja dan orang yang punya istri lebih dari satu orang.